Tempa T - Next Hype

Welcome to Video Nasties! Let's cut to the chase, this is a blog which aims to take the piss out of music videos. It's written by two 28 year old men, one is a professional journalist, the other isn't, guess who wrote this bit.

To kick things off we're going to start with Tempa T's delightful little ditty 'Next Hype'. Here's the link: Tempa T - Next Hype. The scene is set, Tempa T's grime career is stalling, to the point that he's had to accept a shelf stacking role in little known department store 'Pars R Us'. As well as inviting customers to part with their hard earned cash to be insulted in slang, 'Pars R Us' stocks a natty line of children's party equipment, and is quite clearly a Sainsburys.

The next section of the video appears to be a piece of GCSE Drama coursework starring our man Tempz and the effervescent gangly gangsta Tim Westwood. Not much else needs to be said about this part, other than check out Peter, he's the Par de Excellence, i'd hate to meet him.

Great! The music has started! It's good to see that Tempz hasn't forgotten his roots and is sticking to the key grime video principles: 1. Look proper hard 2. Dont spend too much money (those lengs wont buy themselves)

Tempa T is nicking a bloke's kite in a park....Broken Britain.

In a heartwarming bid to redeem himself following the kite incident Tempz is asking an old mate if he fancies a quick game of baseball on a sunny afternoon.

Or maybe not...

Fatigued from all this thuggery Tempz is quick to revert back to the third and final grime video stalwart: Get your mates involved. In the next 60 seconds or so we see Tempz's mates helping him in the gym, helping him to shoot people and helping him to beat somebody up in the studio, it's great that he has such a supportive peer network, although i doubt he's told them about the side job at 'Pars R Us'. It's only late in the video that we uncover the truth about Tempz's trusted inner circle, they are in fact members of the guerilla hacking movement Anonymous.

Perhaps Tempz could take a leaf out of his friends book and turn his attention to parring faceless corporations and corrupt politicians, as opposed to home invasion and destroying defunct technological goods.

The video ends on a sombre note, having grown tired of his parring ways some local youths decide to turn the tables on poor Tempz. The man in the red hoody bravely steps forward to aim a right hook in the direction of our hero, didn't he see the start of the video?! Tempz hits the floor quicker than a tapdancers feet and as much as he attempts to redeem himself in the remaining 43 seconds, the true meaning behind the video has come through. You can par some of the people all of the time, you can Par all of the people some of the time, but you can't par all of the people all of the time.

Thanks for reading.